Posted on April 4, 2012 by Kai Konani
Grimwood Voodoo captain Billy Bones speaks ahead of Flayers showdown tomorrow night
Billy Bones is a difficult player to track down. The skeleton has become a sensation this year, and as his notoriety continues to grow he becomes harder and harder to get 5 minutes with. However, we in the Korner have managed to get an interview with most most in-demand player in Blood Bowl!
We spoke to Billy outside the team’s temporary training field in Naggaroth, where coach Klaus von Jaeger is preparing his team to face their toughest challenge, a play-off clash with the Brimstone Flayers.
So naturally our first question is, how are the team feeling ahead of tomorrow night?
”F***** good, f***** good. Obviously it ain’t gonna be an easy game, but the lads are right f***** up for it. We’re gonna try and give them f***** elves a good run”
In little over 10 games, you’ve become one of, if not the most famous player in the league, people will be watching your performance closely. What part do you think you’ll play in tomorrows game?
”Well i reckon if we wanna win, we’ve gotta do some f***** damage, so i’ll be up front, ***** up some ****. Probably ***** their ***** right up their ***** and generally ****** stuff up.”
Erm….great. So what is your relationship like with Forseti Flayer and his team?
”He ain’t too f***** bad, for an elf like. Naturally i won’t be too friendly to the c*** until after the game, he’s still the f***** competition.”
You can count HDWSBBL luminaries such as Arcani Spark and Dr Viktor Nekromortis amongst your fans in this league, but who would you say, if anyone, are your friends in Blood Bowl?
”Well the rat gets a bad rap but he ain’t all f****** bad, smells a bit like s*** though. The Doc is a top f****** geezer, bit wordy like, but i don’t mind a clever f*****. Obviously the gaffer is a diamond, and he’s taught me plenty, like sometimes its better if i don’t try and win the game on me f***** own. That Odin matey from the Creepers is alright, the rest are c****, especially that Jock whatever-the-f***his-name-is”
So finally Billy, if not the Voodoo, who would you like to see win the Superbowl?
”Well we need some f***** Undead champions, so i reckon the Horrors, if not them, then the f***** Defilers, they smash s*** up, i respect that.”
Thanks for your time Billy
”F*** off”
So there you have it, tomorrow night could be the last time we see Billy Bones this year, but only time will tell if one of the league’s superstars will return
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Posted on February 19, 2012 by Kai Konani
This week will be the final round of regular season games for many teams around the league, so we in the Korner are taking a quick look around the groups to give you an idea of where things stand for your favorite team!…
NWC North
North division is pretty much wrapped up, the Flayers having confirmed themselves as group winners long before last week’s 3-0 thrashing of the Demonicans. Further down the table, The Tobacconists must win their remaining 2 games (game and a half, to be precise) to stand any chance at all of knocking the Voodoo off 2nd spot. As for Creeping Death, their fate was sealed a couple of weeks ago, they will face the Lightning Claws in the shield.
NWC South
South division is all done and dusted, and brace yourselves, because the Fellows are group winners! The Gelfs couldn’t quite chase down the veteran Pro Elves but hung on to make it a divisional Elf one-two. The Whereinthehellarewe Tribe will take the final playoff spot despite being the first team to drop points to the Vixens this year, and the Rat-Gobbo combo will have to be happy with shield Bloodbowl to see out the season.
OWC East
The Demonicans defeat to the reigning Champions has totally changed the dynamic of East Divisions race for top-spot. The Horrors need only see out the second half of their clash with the Tobacconists, take the win, and wrap up the group all in one go! Meanwhile, the Blackburners loss to the Voodoo means the Marauders will seal 3rd place with a win over the struggling Creepers.
OWC West
Last weeks draw with the Fellows was only the second time this year that the Defilers have dropped points, but no matter, their divisional win was confirmed months ago! This week will see the Jackles take on the Fellows while the Razorhawks play the Gelfs, in the two games that will decide second spot in West Division. It will be no great surprise to anyone that the Vixens have the shield to look forward to, but they may do so with renewed confidence after their first win of the season!
Well, we hope this clears a few things up, only a few things left to be settled, and then on to the Playoffs! We’ll be bringing you our look on the playoffs when the dust is settled!
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Posted on February 8, 2012 by Kai Konani
The HDWSBBL has seen a few very skilled, and indeed, very dangerous Necromantic Werewolves in its 5 and a bit year history, but the most vicious player in the most vicious team ever, stands furry head and shoulders above them all.
The wolf known to Shadows fans as ‘the can opener’, featured in all but one of the team’s 39 games, causing a terrifying 22 casualties, 3 of which resulted in death for the unfortunates on the receiving end, such unbridled brutality made him a legend to Necro fans, and a hate figure to Tail Slammers fans (2 of his 3 kills were Slammers players!) And while this would be enough to ensure him a place in the hall of fame anyway, he also bagged an impressive 19 touchdowns, putting him, at the time of writing, 10th on the all-time top scorers list. Giving rise to the argument that Smith might be the most complete player the league has ever seen. He even notched up a couple of completions before his retirement!
The Innsmouth Shadows never quite delivered on the promise they showed in their 3 years in the HDWSBBL, but they weren’t without some truly memorable moments, all of which involved their furry death machine somewhere along the line. Here come the numbers folks…
Eleeazar Smith
Games; 38
TD’s; 19
CAS; 22
Comp; 2
Int; 0
Awards;
Runner-up, Open Scramble 2510/11
Runner-up, Pepslay Challenge 2509/10
Best player, Open Scramble 2510/11
Most CAS, Open Scramble 2509/10 (6)
Most CAS, Pepslay Challenge 2509/10 (5)
Most CAS, Open Scramble 2510/11 (6)
Most entertaining player, Open Scramble 2510/11
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Posted on January 30, 2012 by Kai Konani
Tonight’s distraction is a brief look at those little rarities, the HDWSBBL players that have made the jump into coaching.
Charles Dexter Ward
With the Innsmouth Shadows, Charles was the muscle in the line. More force than finesse, and more strength than smarts. Not characteristics that make for an ideal coach you might think, and you’d be right. The Blackburners have struggled to find the groove this season and have just been leapfrogged by the Marauders, dropping them into bottom spot in their group. Charles has clearly had an effect with the blocking game though, as they haven’t been shy about flexing their muscles! It’s not all bad news though, as they can always call Jojo for advice…..well, maybe it is all bad.
Arcani Spark
During his time at the Tail Slammers, Arcani became one of the most successful (and most hated) players the league has ever known. That success hasn’t quite followed him to the Lightning Claws however. Only 1 victory so far and Arcani seems to be struggling with the finer points of blood bowl strategy, such as getting the ball into the endzone! The council has confirmed we won’t be seeing the Claws again next year, so could we be seeing Arcani return to the field next season? Don’t bet against a return for the slimy little critter!
So there you have it, we’re yet to see a player make a successful move into coaching, but the rumors continue to circulate for next year. Jordan Hawk has now confirmed that there will be no return for the Rangers, so could we see one of the Everlong brothers turn his hand to coaching? And we have heard tell that Hamish ‘the hammer’ of WTF is doing his coaching training with Jock McBigone, who, lets be honest, isn’t getting any younger!
More to come, keep it right here
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Posted on January 29, 2012 by Kai Konani
Our first entry into the hall of fame is, in fact, 2 entries. The Everlong brothers have had such a profound impact on the league that it was simply impossible to separate them into different entries.
Both players debuted in the HDWSBBL’s inaugural season and racked up over 100 appearances between them in 5 seasons with the Rangers, making them two of the most capped players in the league’s history, all the more impressive given their lack of physical strength and dislike of heavy armour!
But it is their scoring rate, not their longevity which is the reason for their Hall of Fame induction. Caneran’s total of 51 TDs in 56 games is a truly incredible return, very few players can ever claim to have scored in almost every game they played in, and fewer still can maintain that rate over 5 years! Elesser is, of course, no slouch, running in 45 TDs in 57 games, not as many as his younger brother but then Elesser is the more brutal of the two, causing a mighty 3 casualties to his brothers 1!
At the time of their retirement the Everlong brothers accounted for over 6% of all the touchdowns ever scored in the league and it will be many years before any of their career stats are ever equaled. So here are the stats for the league’s two greatest pointy-eared touchdown machines!
Elesser Everlong
Games; 57
TDs; 45
CAS; 3
Comp; 5
Int; 0
Awards; 2 League titles, 1 Challenge cup
Caneran Everlong
Games; 56
TDs; 51
CAS; 1
Comp; 7
Int; 1
Awards; 2 League titles, 1 Challenge cup
Most touchdowns scored in a season (player) ; 25
Most touchdowns scored in a competition (player); Open Scramble 2509/2510; 15
So we welcome the Everlong brothers to our Hall of Fame, more inductee’s to come soon!
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Posted on January 28, 2012 by Kai Konani
Good evening world! Tonight in the Korner we are proud to announce the beginning of a grand project. Over the coming weeks and months we will be carrying out the first player inductions into the HDWSBBL Hall of Fame, so keep an eye on us as we chronicle the careers of some of the true greats! Its going to be epic!
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Posted on January 24, 2012 by Kai Konani
Welcome one and all! Here in the Korner we welcome input from anywhere within the league and today we are pleased to say we have a guest match report, now we must apologise because this report is a week or so late, we’ve had some goblins (actual goblins) in the system! So without any more of my ramblings and with no more ado, i present to you, Dr Viktor Nekromortis!…
Tales from the Surgery: The Doctor is in.
“Next! Well come in to my office, come in! Becareful as you pass my research. You never know what might just come out and grab you. Sit down please. My name is Dr Nekromortis, so what is wrong
with you? What do you mean nothing? You don’t feel ill at all? Are you sure? I thought you looked a bit too healthy as you walked in and that won’t do, just won’t do at all. I need people to fall ill to keep me in business. So why are you here? Of course you want to hear about the recent blood bowl match by my team the Universal Horrors, I expect you have only just found out about us we are new you see; very new…. you could say “Freshly dug up”. But before I begin are you sure you aren’t ill, no werewolf bite? Flesh rotting bug? Slight paper cut to your little finger? All highly fatal as you know and I can always do with fresh players…. sorry… patients for my surgery. NO! UMMM! FINE! On with the match then! “
“Our most recent game was against the “Grimwood Voodoo” in the Sylvania, a part of the world that I am very familiar with. A dark grey, almost black sky greeted us as I “unpacked” my team from their cages and boxes and the rain filled the graves outside of the Grimwood Bowl. My opposite number, Klaus von Jaeger, is a kindred spirit and has “unearthed” his players from all areas to form his
team including two additions he has gained on his travels to the sand lands of the Khemri, lucky man! The game was seen as the “Battle for the Dead” as we lined up against each other but we won the
toss and my ghoul Anklebiter kicked to the ‘Voodoo. I was hoping that the slippery ball would hinder the stumbling horde from the voodoo but that backfired as Areth Gravespawn caught the damned ball and ran to hide behind his Mummie friends. Well that was as far as their luck held, ha ha, as Karl Borisoff (made of bits off Karl and Boris my last two lab assistants) smashed the slobbering lout to the ground with the ball landing in the unsuspecting hands of Creature. Unfortunately for the Horrors he wasn’t ALIIIIIIVE to the opportunity and was beaten by a damned bandaged monstrosity and the ball dropped to the floor. Well so started a stalemate as the teams surrounded the ball but none of them wanting to make the move to pick the thing up until as the sands of time ticked away Gurt Tombbrood jumped in dropped the ball amongst the groping hands of the dead for it to be caught by Azrael Mestophales who raced down the pitch to give the ball to Sangul the Shadowlord to score our first touchdown. I have to admit I was grinning at this point, a wonderful score.”
“Well the weather didn’t abate for the 2nd half and an “unlucky” kick from Tombbrood (No we didn’t bribe the ghoul in fresh flesh no matter what is said) allowed the ref to give Fenris Canus the ball. A quick fake down the left with the stumbling rabble of the Voodoo all moving over to cover had the Horrors firmly in the Voodoo half on the right hand side and a few seconds later in the endzone for 2-0. It was then that the match changed. A skeleton hailing from the east end, name of Billy Bones stepped on to the pitch. He seemed undaunted by the score and took charge of the game. Billy’s aura was amazing for a rookie and told everyone to “Shhhhut up and get out of me way!” as he swaggered around the pitch creating holes in the defence with his on field general’s antics and bristly attitude. With new vigour the Voodoo moved the ball forward and broke through the line of opponents racing for the endzone. I saw the danger of such a leader and ordered Creature to take him down. Thankfully with Billy out of sight the fear was dispelled from my players and Lupus Baskervile tackled the ghoul ball carrier to stop the score. It was very close and I have never seen such magic from a coach let alone a player of Billy Bones’ standing. This crafty cockney must be watched in the future. A star of the future I think. Well it ended 2-0 to the Horrors and we will rise again for the next match invigorated.”
“Right now get out! I have patients to see and “cure” you never know they could be my next recruits. I would hope that you could come and see the next match you never know if things go my way you could be playing in it. MWWWAHA HA HA HA HA HA!”
Thanks Dr V, if anyone out there has anything you’d like featured in the Korner, you know where to find me.
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Posted on January 22, 2012 by Kai Konani
Happy Sunday Blood Bowl fans! Before you all go back to another day working to serve whichever all-powerful diety or evil overlord you serve, here’s a slice of juicy HDWSBBL gossip from this week…
»Wood Elf fans rejoice as Jordan Hawk is spotted in public for the first time in months, Rangers for next season perhaps?
»Arcani Spark confirms this week that the Lightning Claws will not return next season, further fueling speculation of the Tail Slammers making a triumphant (!?) return.
»Long suffering Orc fans might have something to shout about as rumors persist of a return to the league for the Beaumont Blitzers.
»Be afraid if your team has yet to play the Drackwald Defilers! With a group victory already wrapped up, the Defilers are expected to give the ball a miss and look to break some league casualty records!
Be sure to keep us updated on all the gossip through the usual channels
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Posted on January 20, 2012 by Kai Konani
Our rumour mill has been working overtime this week after our eagle-eyed reporters spotted former Rangers coach Jordan Hawk in the stands at the Gelfs vs Jackles game last week. Hawk was unavailable for comment and made a quick exit after the game, while a spokesman for the Rangers claimed that Jordan was simply enjoying his retirement and checking out the leagues new Wood Elf team, many believe this could be the start of a comeback for one of the league’s most decorated teams.
Watch this space for more details!
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Posted on January 16, 2012 by Kai Konani
So folks, lets get the house in order, me and my stat gobbos have been working hard and compiled every team in the league into one, big rankings system. The placings are, of course, open to debate. But this is how things roughly stand so far, so lets get on with it shall we?
1st – Drakwald Defilers – The Chaos new boys have been in devastating form and show no signs of letting up, more brutal than a troll with a migraine and with a little touch of flair, they can do it all. Title contenders? You bet your spiky balls they are!
Prediction; Superbowl
2nd – Brimstone Flayers – The champions just can’t stop winning at present, a shaky start has followed on into a furious drive through the regular season, the most skillful team in the league on their day, back to back championships seems a serious possibility.
Prediction; Superbowl
3rd – Universal Horrors – Another debuting team that seems to have found a winning way, HDWSBBL coaches might have hoped they’d seen the last of necro Werewolves! Forget the Shadows, forget the Deadheads, these guys could be the best of the lot!
Prediction – OWC Conference Final
4th – We Tree Fellows – The Fellows, in the top 5? You bet, love them or hate them (and most people hate them) the little elves are dancing all the way to the playoffs! While they may still be questionable tactically, you cant deny their effectiveness.
Prediction; NWC Conference Final
5th- Deamons Stump Deamonicans – They win ugly, but they win! This isn’t the team to go watch if you like seeing Blood Bowl played the flash way, but if you want to see a team get the job done, through whatever means necessary, look no further!
Prediction; OWC Playoffs, 2nd round
6th – The Gelfs – Rookie Wood Elves tend to be really good, or die horribly. These girls have done a bit of both. On their day they can give any team in this league a scare. But they have a habit of getting kicked to bits before they can really show their skills.
Prediction; NWC Playoffs, 2nd round
7th – Grimwood Voodoo – When they’re good, they’re really good, but when they’re bad they suck ass! The Undead new boys have had some outstanding moments this year, some for all the right and some for all the wrong reasons!
Prediction; NWC Playoffs, 2nd round
8th – Elfheim Razorhawks – It’s not a great year to be a new Elf team, plenty of big, angry, ugly teams that quite enjoy stomping on elf-face! However, the Razorhawks have shown plenty of ability and could yet spring some surprises in the playoffs.
Prediction; NWC Playoffs, 2nd round
9th – Talos Tobacconists – Somewhat overshadowed by a certain other Chaos team this year, the Tobacconists have actually been desperately unlucky, they’ve dropped plenty of points in the dying seconds of games, but still have a chance to go far.
Prediction; NWC Playoffs, 1st round
10th – Tutsbone Jackles – The Khemri veterans are starting to get some well deserved luck this time around and a first playoff appearance is now a certainty, there will be many fans who wont begrudge their recent success one bit, they’ve certainly paid their dues!
Prediction; OWC Playoffs, 1st round
11th – Blackburners – The ‘burners have had a bit of a rough ride this year, it seems some of the famous Shadows luck has rubbed off on the Chaos Dwarfs! It cant be much longer before the fans start demanding Jojo back!
Prediction; OWC Playoffs, 1st round
12th – Whereinthehellarewe Tribe – The Halflings could be on their way to the playoffs! The Tribe have been doing just enough to keep off the bottom spot this year, always controversial, they’re here to stay!
Prediction; NWC Playoffs, 1st round
13th – Temper Bay Marauders – They were ‘the great orc hope’ at the start of this season, but it looks as though the Orc fans of the HDWSBBL will have to wait a bit longer to see green champions crowned, make a nice job of punching things though…
Prediction; Shield Final
14th – Lightning Claws – No-one likes them, they don’t care! The Skaven and Goblins are struggling to get the mix right, with a defence that seems to centre around chucking goblins at the opposing team, its no wonder they have one of the worst defensive records in the league!
Prediction; Shield, 1st round
15th – Creeping Death – The Norse rookies have lost a lot of games right at the final moment and need to tie their bootlaces a little tighter, you can’t score TD’s with your face! A steep learning curve but the Shield still holds some promise.
Prediction; Shield, 1st round
16th – Valhallen Vixens - These girls just cant wait for this year to be over! It’ll be a shock to just about everyone the way the Vixens season has turned out, there’s a chance they could use the fresh start of the shield to get out of the rut, but they may just want to get this season finished!
Prediction; Shield Final
Well, that’s it everyone, feel free to deliver your opinions and comments to the appropriate address…
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